Thursday, January 6, 2011

Do Things Happen for a Reason?


Yep, I'm feeling a little annoyed right now!

I was trying to start the New Year off right by updating my "books owned",  Excel spreadsheet. Unfortunately, I somehow deleted the updated 2011 one,  and saved an old 2010 version....grrrrrr.  I was so ticked, as I really don't have lots of free time to create a new spreadsheet with 675 books, authors, genres, sources, comments etc. So I decided maybe someone was telling me, that I don't need 675 unread books, some that I know I will never read.  

So my son (thanks B) created a new, slightly changed spreadsheet for me, and I have been taking my time, looking at EVERY book, checking book reviews and deciding whether to keep or donate.  GUESS WHAT? I just finished authors whose last name begins in D and have pulled and prepared (3) bags / (55) books to donate!  PLEASE don''t ask me about the titles as I don't want to second guess my decision when I hear one of you saying "I loved that book".  

The truth is, I have had a lot on my mind lately.


I've been worried lately, and have been questioning (yet again) why bad things happen to good people?  30 years ago my sister-in-law, who is the sister I never had, got breast cancer (in her 30s). A mastectomy, a year of chemo, and 30 years later she is still with us...thank goodness.  

She spent the last (2) years in a living hell, caring for my brother who had pancreatic cancer.  She was his angel...with him for every test, every chemo and radiation treatment, every doctor visit, every blood transfusion, not once was he alone. He passed away a little over a year ago, and the past year, she has been so very sad; a cute dog has lessened her sadness, but not totally by any means.  Her reward for all of this.....she just found out she has breast cancer in her other breast and is having another mastectomy tomorrow.  How can this be?  We are all angry.

They say "things happen for a reason, but I am not so sure".

57 comments:

  1. I'm so sorry to hear about your sister-in-law. What rotten news. It's so frustrating to see bad things pile onto good people when they're already struggling. I really hope the surgery goes well and she makes a full recovery and that she finds joy again in her life even after having endured so much.

    I'll keep her in my thoughts and prayers.

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  2. I am so sorry for your family. The same thing happened to my mother.She got cancer in the other breast after 35 years. Its five years since her second mastectomy - I still myself do not understand the why/

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  3. Of course, I don't have a good answer to your questions, but I wish I did. Know that our thoughts are with you and your sister-in-law/sister. No one should go through it once, let alone twice. I hope her surgery goes well and that it takes care of the problem.

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  4. I am sorry to hear this news, Diane.

    As far as giving away all those books--good for you! If you find that you miss any particular book, you can always (well, usually) find another copy.

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  5. I'm really sorry to hear that your family is going through such a tough time. All we can do is keep faith that things will get better. My prayers will always be with you.

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  6. How awful! I don't believe there is any reason for such things, and if there were, I don't think I'd want to know what it was! My most heartfelt sympathy for you and your family to go through this!

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  7. Your post gave me chills. I wish nothing but the best for your lovely sister in law. My father passed away unexpectedly last year at the age of 48 of a heart attack. He was perfectly healthy and I am still trying to figure out what the reason was because that's what everyone keeps saying to me too. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

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  8. I am sorry that your SIL is having to go through it again. Life is hard.

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  9. Oh Diane, I'm so sorry to hear this. My thoughts are with you and your sister-in-law. I hope her surgery goes well.

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  10. I really don't know what to say.

    I really really really feel awful.

    I am praying for her.

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  11. It's a horrible feeling when things happen that are just out of your control be they little or big. I can't say that I believe things happen for a reason but rather that we can learn from any situation. Just like you "learned" that you were holding on to too many books. I'm not sure what there is to learn from your sister-in-law's situation. Maybe to make the most of every moment you have with loved ones. I really do hope that you have many more years with her!

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  12. I don't think there are answers to the things that pain us and those we love. For me, it's best to not ask and to accept life as it comes. I've spent much energy emotionally fighting, and that is fruitless. I'm sorry for these difficult times for your dear sister-in-law, and vicariously, for you. May God's peace and comfort rest on you in this troubled and fallen world. XOXO

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  13. I was never sure about the whole “things happen for a reason” idea. I think the further I’m willing to accept is that, as we say in Portugal, some Goods come through Bads. Very sad about your sister-in-law, but there’s no reason to think that she won’t still be with you in another 30 years, is there? Hope everything goes well!

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  14. To All of You,

    Thank you for your sweet comment of care and compassion. It makes me feel better to talk about it and get your feedback...HUGS to all of you.

    Amused....I am so sorry to hear about losing your dad at such a very young age. Your comment meant a lot.

    Mystica...Thank you for telling me about your mother. I made me feel hopeful, although I am sorry she had to go through all of that.

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  15. Diane, your sister-in-law is in my thoughts and prayers. I'm sure she's so thankful to have you in her life. ((hugs))

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  16. I have tears streaming down my face as I write this. Sometimes you just have to wonder how much one person can endure. I'll be praying for your sister-in-law and your family.

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  17. Oh Diane - I am so sorry for all that has happened: the frustrations of computer programs, the death of a beloved brother, and the suffering of a sister. While I have to believe that all things happen for a reason (or I am not sure that I would find much reason to live)....I am not sure that it is always apparent here on earth. Life is definitely not fair though, and that goes against my personal sense of justice.

    I wish I had some magic words to ease the pain --- but all I can do is say that I am thinking and praying for you and your family a lot right now.

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  18. When it comes to things like this, I don't believe there are answers we can know. I'm so sorry for your SIL, Diane, and will have all of you in my thoughts and prayers today.

    I'm sure it feels good to have 3 bags of books ready for donation though...

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  19. oh no! I'm so so so sorry about your sister-in-law. I hate it when it seems like bad things always happen to the most fabulous people.

    I'll be thinking about you and your family.

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  20. I am sorry to hear about your sister in law. I really don't know what to say to ease the pain. I hope she pulls through OK.

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  21. I'm so sorry, Diane. Life isn't fair, and it does seem that some people are heaped with more than their share of sorrows. However, through our suffering, we are refined, and our character grows, and though that is sometimes of little comfort, it gives me enough hope to believe that everything does happen according to a divine plan, and that God has me safe in His hands, even if I don't understand where those hands are taking me. Thinking of you. x

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  22. So sorry. I am sending you and your sister in law hugs. Life just stinks sometimes. It does seem that bad things happen to good people. Just like "no good deed goes unpunished".

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  23. I often wonder why bad things happen to good people, and I never come up with a satisfactory answer, and what especially makes me mad is that good things often seem to happen to bad people. I know that this is a really tough time for you, and my heart is filled with sadness about what your sister-in-law is going through. We are having some of the same kinds of things go on over here, as my step-father's cancer cancer has returned as well. In addition to that, a good friend's cancer has also returned. It can be puzzling and hard to understand why these things are happening to the people who least deserve them. I am praying for your family.

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  24. I am so very, very sorry! What awful news. You have every reason to be upset. I don't understand the ways of the Universe at all and why "bad things happen to good people"...
    I wish I knew what to say. I can pray and send positive thoughts your way and to your sister-in-law...life just isn't fair and sometimes it flat out SUCKS. I am soooo sorry!
    You are welcome to email me ANYTIME!!!!! xoxoxo

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  25. This seems terribly unfair for her to have to go through this again, BUT she is a survivor and she will get through this as well.

    I guess the recovery from the first diagnoses allowed her to be that angel to your brother.

    I'm thinking of you guys.

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  26. Ah, Diane, I'm just so, so sorry. Life sometimes is almost too hard. Many prayers will be going up for your sister-in-law and indeed for you and your whole family as you deal with yet another blow.

    After we discovered that Mother had dementia hard on the heels of Dad's passing, I was just incredulous. Seriously. I just could not believe that we would have to deal with such a similar decline. But, we got through it. Your sister-in-law sounds so strong and there are many more things that medicine can do for breast cancer now than 30 years ago. Still, it is tragic.

    Hugs to you and hugs to that sweet sister-in-law. What a trooper! Life is just hard sometimes for no reason. You take care, Diane, my friend.

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  27. I'm so sorry that you're struggling with these questions. I truly wish I had words of wisdom that would make it all make sense. Just know that there are many people praying and passing along their strength to get you and your family through this tough time.

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  28. I am so, so sorry. I don't believe things happen for a reason. I don't believe in the window shutting, door opening. Things just happen. I do believe in eating well and buckling my seat belt, but I know those things don't always prevent trouble either. It is scary and sad out there, and I find the best relief is trying to live each day without thinking too far ahead. Again, I am so sorry and hope this will have a good result. I have heard of people getting sick after taking care of someone. Maybe it's the stress on the caretaker's mind and body.
    To end on a light note - those 600+ books should take you only about 3 years, oh, mighty reader. :<)

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  29. Diane, I'm so sorry to hear about everything your family has been going through.

    I'm one of those that don't believe that everything that happens in life has a reason. Awful things happen, and when they do, we have every right to be angry. How can we not be angry?

    I hope that the surgery goes well and that your sister heals quickly.

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  30. I'm so so sorry to hear this. I'm sure it is difficult to find a "reason" for this happening. Sometimes it just seems like bad things happen to good people for no good reason. Hugs to you and my prayers are with you and your sister-in-law.

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  31. I'm praying for your SIL. It's very hard to understand when so much gets piled on one person.

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  32. That really is horrible, we all send purrs and hugs to your sister-in-law.

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  33. I am so sorry to hear about your sister-in-law and her cancer reocurring. My thoughts and prayers are with her and all of her loved ones as she goes for surgery.

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  34. It's so hard NOT to be angry. Why good people when they're already down and have went through so much. I will be praying for your SIL...and for you!

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  35. It is a hard thing when there are no answers. I just hope you can hold on to all the good wishes, thoughts and prayers (including mine) that are surrounding your sister-in-law, you and your family at this time.

    Please remember to take care of yourself.

    Blessings

    PB

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  36. Hi everyone, Her surgery went well yesterday, and the surgeon thought everything looked good. They will not have the results from the node testing for two weeks.

    Your thoughts, prayers and works of compassion mean more to me than I could ever express. Thanks and HUGS to all of you.

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  37. I'm so glad the surgery went well. I would be angry as all get out. Cancer is such a nasty business. It affected my 19 year old nephew this year. Really?
    I just don't understand either. Your family is in my prayers and all you can do is hope for the best.

    Sincerely,
    Michelle

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  38. I can't even begin to fathom a reason for such bad things happening to your family. I can only offer my hopes and prayers. Your sister-in-law and brother certainly deserve much better than what they have been given.

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  39. This is terrible-I am so sorry to hear this-I will say a prayer for her.

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  40. I'm so happy to read that her surgery went well yesterday. That's great news!

    Healing thoughts for your SIL and hugs for you are being sent your way.

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  41. I don't think things necessarily happen for a reason, but sometimes good things happen that wouldn't have otherwise, so there is that.

    I'm so sorry to hear that your SIL is facing this again. I hope and pray that she comes through this with as much longevity as she did the first. She sounds like an extraordinary woman.

    As far as your books - good for you! I'm planning to do a purge of my own shelves in the spring.

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  42. That is so awful! I sometimes think things happen for a reason, then I think we are all subject to random life-events. Which freaks me out. I hope things turn out well for you SIL, sending positive thoughts your way.

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  43. My best friend always tells me that things happen for a reason. I never listened to him. I don't think I still do. I'm a go-getter. I do what I want, whatever it takes. I'm not someone to sit back and rue the fates or understand why something is even happening. And yet things like this happen - my brother's seizures, your sister's breast cancer, your brother's pancreatic cancer. How do you even begin to explain why these happen? My friend told me many times the same thing - they happen for a reason, and the reason is not punishment. But how do you look at it any other way? I still don't know the answer to that. I wish your wonderful sister never had to go through this. Nor that your brother had to go through the same thing. I'm keeping her (and you) in my thoughts and praying fervently that the only reason this happened is to bring you both even closer and that she comes out it soon.

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  44. Diane, I am so sorry to hear about your sister-in-law. Thoughts are with you and her - and I hope she has a full recovery.

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  45. Diane, I'm so sorry to hear about your sister-in-law. I'll be keeping her and your family in prayers. Sending lots of hugs to you.

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  46. Per usual, I am behind the 8 ball in catching up on posts. Quite frankly, it stinks! Why is it always the good people? Not that i wish cancer on anybody but it sure sounds like your SIL paid her dues once and then again with your brother. She has had more than her share of heartache and pain. I am so sorry to hear about this. She is very fortunate to have such a wonderful and caring SIL living so close to her. My thoughts are with both of you, Diane. {{{Hugs}}}

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  47. Oh Diane, I'm so sorry for your sister-in-law and for all of you who have to go through this. Sending many good wishes to her that all will go well and she'll be on her way to recovery soon.

    Cancer sucks!!

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  48. Diane I will be keeping your SIL in my thoughts and prayers. I no longer believe in 'things happen for a reason'. I hope your SIL's surgery goes well and she gets another remission like the first one.

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  49. I just read this post Diane, and I am so sorry to hear about your sister-in-law. It is incomprehensible at times when you witness good people being hit with such bad things. I wish for her a full recovery, and for you and the rest of your family, some comfort.

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  50. Diane, I know what you mean. As I've been packing books over at the old house, I've noticed a lot of books that need to be gotten rid of...and that was just in non-fiction. When I start putting them away over here at the new apartment, I'm going to start me a "get rid of" box. I know there are some fiction books in there that I can weed out too.

    I'm so sorry about your sister-in-law. I hope she comes through everything okay and makes a full recovery.

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  51. I've often had similar thoughts. So sorry to hear about your sister. Your family is in my thoughts.

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  52. I can't think of a reason why this would happen. It is just really unfair and also very unlucky. My friend is 44 and is dying of a brain cancer (same one Teddy Kennedy passed from). She and I have talked a lot about the "reasons" why this happened and there just aren't any. My thoughts and prayers are with your family.

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  53. Diane - I've caught up on your post from today, so I know your SIL's surgery went well. I hope the labs come back clean.

    She is fortunate to have such a caring as-close-to-a-sister-as-you-can-get person in you!

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  54. I'm so sorry to read this. Not a good way to start the year. hope all will be well. You and your family will be in my prayers.

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  55. I, too, am reading this after the fact and hope you and your family have better tomorrows. It's the best support system. With health issues, things just happen. Our bodies are amazing, but are subject to so many things. I would like to think I would be able to pass those tests of life with an A, but once I felt lucky to just hang on with a D.

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  56. What horrible news for your amazing sister-in-law - I'm so sorry about it and I hope and pray that all goes well. My thoughts go out to you and her, and all family and friends. I wish I had the answer to why things happen, but it's that mystery in life that will frustratingly bother me forever as well.

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  57. Michelle, Steph, Esme, Jill, Caren, To, Kay, Nan,Dar, Sara, PB, Kay, Kaye, and all the rest of you....my sincere thanks for all the words of concern, and understanding.

    We have been enjoying, Take out, desserts, wine and just spending time with her this week. She is doing really well and we are hoping that the news is good on Thursday when she sees her surgeon for a follow-up visit.

    A big hug to each of you my dear blog buddies.

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